What did He feel in the Garden?

Maundy Thursday. That night. In the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus. Scared, literally, to death.

Maundy. Derived from the Latin "Mandatum" which means commandment. His last commandment to us :

" Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34

How did He love them, in the Garden? His brothers, His friends, His disciples, the ones He loved. He was hours away from betrayal, hatred, being given over to torture and anguish and death, by a friend, a disciple, someone He loved. As a human being (seeing as me and Jesus had this in common) I cannot imagine sitting in a dark garden, a grove full of olive trees, my best friends by my side..cold...scared...trembling..surrounded by people but never feeling more alone...the moonlight overhead, the cool ground beneath His feet soon to be broken and pierced... there He was...knowing full well what had to be done for a world in the present, and a world in the future...begging His Father to take it away...

" Then Jesus brought them to an olive grove called Gethsemane, and He said 'Sit here while I go ahead to pray.' He took Peter and Zebedee's two sons, James and John, and He began to be filled with anguish and deep distress. He told them, 'My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and watch with me.' He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground praying, 'My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me...Yet I want your will, not mine.'

Then He returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, 'Couldn't you stay awake and watch with me even one hour? Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak!!'

Again He left them and prayed, 'My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away until I drink it, your will be done.' He returned to them again and found them sleeping, for they just couldn't keep their eyes open. So He went back to pray a third time, saying the same things again. Then He came to the disciples and said, 'Still sleeping?? Still resting?? Look, the time has come. I, the Son of Man, am betrayed into the hands of sinners. Up, let's be going. See, my betrayer is here!' "  Matthew 26: 36-46

What was going through His mind? Being an all-knowing God in the form of man, He knew...the trials. the beatings,.the shouts of His own people to "Crucify Him!"...the same voices that, just a few days before had praised Him and sung songs of "Hosannah, Hallelujah!" Men and women, boys and girls, old and young, one minute praising Him, the next minute, cursing Him and sending Him to His death... He knew what was coming...his body, skin torn from muscles and bone, bones broken, piercing into his organs, his lungs filled with fluid, can't catch His breath, eyes swollen shut- unable to see, but knowing the hearts of those before Him, thirsty, aching, burning, broken...

But in that moment. In the Garden...much like another Garden, thousands of years before, where He had strolled as God in the cool of the evening breeze, asking "Adam? Eve? Where are you?" One commandment: Do not eat of that tree. They did. They were doomed. In the garden, they were doomed to death. And although they touched evil in the midst of beauty, what did God do for them, just before He sent them out to work the land, suffer childbirth, and struggle in life? He provided for them. He forgave them. He loved them in their brokenness, in their rebellion... Gen. 3:21 " The Lord made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them."

In Gethsemane, His dearest and closest friends could not even stay awake to be there for Him as He anticipated the horror that was to take place in just a few hours. How would I feel? Would I be upset? Would my feelings be hurt? Feeling alone, knowing I would be betrayed by my friends? He couldn't even stand..He was face down, begging, pleaing, crying out for just one small chance that it might not have to happen, but knowing it would...God in human form, tears, sweating, probably in so much despair and devastation that it took His breath away... Have I been there? On my face, crying out, begging for help, in so much pain that I couldn't catch my breath?

 Completely alone...there He was, in His creation, with His beloved creation, those He made in His image...completely alone. And for what? For me? For you? For His disciples? For Peter, who would deny He even knew Him, even though He had pledged His loyalty and faithfulness just a few days before?

"Love one another...as I loved you."

How is that? I deny Him, and He shows Himself to me. I disobey and disappoint Him, and He provides for my every need. I forget Him, and He cleans up my messes and makes good of all my stupid mistakes. I have done this for years, I will do this until the day I die. I apologize and praise Him, and in the same breath I curse Him...and He wraps me up in His arms, wipes away my tears when I'm alone and crying out, and tells me it's gonna be ok...who is this God that is just like a neverending foutnain of love and peace and forgiveness? How does He do it? Why should He? What have I ever done for Him??

I love Him. I acknowledge that I'm broken. I tell Him I need Him, and I love Him.


At church tonight, they ended the service with a popular song, and I had never thought of the lyrics in this way, but I will never hear this song and think of it the same..read the lyrics. Imagine Christ in the Garden. His anticipation, his nerves, his knowing what was about to unfold...and the reason..

"I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord.
And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, Oh Lord.
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord.

Well if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand.
I've seen your face before my friend, but I don't know if you know who I am.
Well I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes.
So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been.
It's all been a pack of lies.

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord.
Well I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh Lord.
And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord.
Well I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh Lord.

I remember, I remember, don't worry. How could I ever forget?
It was the first time, the last time we ever met.
But I know the reason why you kept your silence up, oh no you don't fool me
Well the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows.
It's not stranger to you and me.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord.
Well I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh Lord.
I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord.
Well I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh Lord.
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord.
And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh Lord.
I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord.
Well I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord.

I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord.
Well I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord."

Phil Collins "In the air tonight"
Song is on playlist on the right side of the blog..listen while you read..and think..

Blooms!

A girlfriend of mine sent me a quote on gardens. I thought I'd share it on the blog-

". . . everything of great importance happened in a garden. . . Man fell in the Garden. You taught in a garden. You prayed Your passion in a garden. You were betrayed in a Garden. You arose in a Garden. I love this place, for when I sit out here, I see the wonder of Your creation. . . It reminds me that Your hand is in it all." Leato's Garden, by Francine Rivers

Updates on our hard work in the yard. We've weeded, cleaned out, raked, bagged, dug up monkey grass, put down rocks, edged, shaped, planted, mulched, watered. Now just to watch it all grow and flower and bloom!

What we had to work with after raking out the winter..

Making plans for the Monkey Grass

Those are the plans for the Monkey Grass- thanks to James and Kate for giving the monkey grass a new home!

The effect of Trey and his new toy, the edger! First try at the edger- not too bad!!

The boy and his big-boy toy!

No more monkey grass in the front!! now what...

No more monkey grass on the side..

New rocks! New flowers- and these won't take over like the morning glories

New rocks around Gran's irises

The hubs watering our garden

Yay! now just going to watch it grow.

New Easter cross we got at church

Hostas and window boxes and rocks and flower!

The cherry blossom tree- so pretty

fluffy and soft and perfect

The cannas I planted last year have decided to return

Rocks! and Flowers! and NO MONKEY GRASS!!

waiting on these azaleas to bloom pretty pink flowers!! any day now..

Couldn't have done it without him! Best yard man in the world

These azaleas have tiny pink buds, just waiting to make their appearance

The first iris bloom

Azaleas on the side yard

Missin' my Gran

Such a beautiful spring day- flowers blooming, sunlight breaking through the blinds warming my bed as I wake up from my day nap...The cherry tree outside the office window is so heavy with pink fluffy blooms, thick and rich and perfect. On the way home from work this morning, the city workers were cutting the grass on the sides of Sam Cooper, and the smell overtook my car and my nose, and I thought of my Gran. The smell of fresh cut grass, wild onions in the yard, new growth coming out of the ground and taking over the breezes- these smells remind me of my Gran. So I thought I'd put some pictures up of things that remind me of Gran, and spend some time remembering what an incredible woman she was, and thanking God for the time I was able to spend with her, looking forward to when I will see her again, hoping she is proud of me.

Trees between my house growing up and Gran's house (which was next door). Growing up living next to Gran was one of God's biggest gifts to me, and I will always be grateful.

The old barn behind Gran's house. Old barns remind me of her.

Her front porch, where I played with her, drank buttermilk and cornbread, got stung by a wasp, waited for dinner and my mom to come home...

The yard by her house, where she and Grandadden had bee hives at one time. Bee hives and fresh honeycomb remind me of them.

The tree in our front yard that I used to climb. Good climbing trees remind me.. especially magnolias.

Gran's clothes line. Open windows in the spring, the smell of sun-dried linens and fresh sheets remind me of Gran. She smelled like fresh linen and sunshine.

Intersection on our old street.

Another climbing tree- the branch she used to put me up on has broken off to just a stub.

I bet she is having a blast with my Lord- saving me a seat!

When the cat's away...

...The mouse will play...isn't that how the saying goes? Well, my wonderful husband has just left to go to Jackson, MS for a 4 day long Rope and Rescue course- which means I have the house all to myself...how will I play? Remember my list of projects??? Tomorrow is so exciting- the house all to myself. To all the married ladies out there- can I get an "Amen" to those days when we have the house to ourselves to really be productive? Don't want to sound like I don't like it when Trey is here- I do.. but it makes it hard to get the good stuff done... so it's free range for me. What's on the schedule?
Well, I'd like to start by cleaning up this house! After days of wedding parties, our house now has an extra layer of funk on the kitchen floor, crumbs on the hardwoods and rugs from chips, late night Krystals, pizzas, orange-sweet rolls, more chips, mud, coffee stains on the counters, a dishwasher full of glasses, forks, plates, and a hamper full of stinky clothes and sheets from having a 3 day long sleepover with our (Trey's) dear friends, Tip and Jonathan, whom I have lovingly given the nicknames "Brother husbands" (nickname taken in humor from the show "Sister Wives.") and who I am happy to have over and hanging out with my honey anytime. But, with that comes "leftovers" from a trip to Tunica for golf, a rehearsal dinner "post-party', and of course, wedding day "pre and post" party. So, where to begin? Sheets- clean sheets are a must! Especially after 3 nights of going out and coming home smelling, well just down right awful. So, sheets are cleaned, beds are made, dishes are washed... but I'm thinking I can wait on really cleaning the house until tomorrow morning.
So, come on Monday- I'll be up early, cleaning, straightening, disinfecting and airing out.. then, plants!! The monkey grass has ben dug out and given to our neighbors the newly weds, new rocks laid down, flower beds cleaned out and mulched, and the freezing temperatures finally gone (I'm thinking)..so I have a trip planned to get some pretty flowers! And, of course, dividing again (for the 2nd year) my hostas, which seem to just love the soil around my house because they literally explode! They are beautiful, but man are they big! Also, painting the attic door, which we've still been talking about for a year- and if I'm really feeling productive, touching up the trim in the hallways and bathroom and ending the day with a long run. Hopefully, the motivation will keep coming, and I told Trey I might even get super ambitious and just repaint the entire hallway..we'll see. Regardless, I am super pumped to basically have open range for motivational and creative juices to flow- good night's rest tonight, then projects and productivity tomorrow!! Won't Trey be so proud?!?

Marriage Minefields

Lyrics to "Dancing in the Minefield"- great song, which I have included on my playlist.


I was nineteen, you were twenty-one
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway

We bought our rings for forty each
From a pawn shop down the road
We made our vows and took the leap
Now fifteen years ago

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

"I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear

'Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you